Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Ovarian Pangs... What is it like to have three kids?

Is three the magic number? 

Do you have three kids? What is it like...?

Everybody is preggers! Well not everyone but something is clearly in the air and people around me are announcing that they will be expecting the pitter patter of tiny feet in a few months.

My ovaries have noted this and have acted accordingly, punching me repeatedly.

My ovaries have chosen only to remember the new baby euphoria (and smell - not dissimilar to buying a new car) and not the exhaustion, the constant feeding and worry that comes with having new babies. It has been happening quite frequently. Every time I see a baby, something in my gut goes awwwww... I know I'm only having that moment most women will experience when they realise that they will have no more children than they have already. Given that this hormonal/emotional craziness is happening now that Miss B is nearly three and a half years old and declared today during her second session at preschool that I was no longer needed and could go home, I now realise that this must be why other people (more normal people than I) have three year gaps between children!


I must keep myself occupied! I had a five year plan that was derailed by my PND and I'm struggling to get back on track. I'm trying really hard to formulate a new plan and to push myself in that direction but I suppose it's natural to wonder what a slight diversion would do to this plan. Would it derail us completely? Would it make us stationary? What IS with the all the railway metaphors?

From my own experience, I am one of two and I see how our relationship works and doesn't based on this number. OD is one of three and the middle child so probably the wrong person to ask about things coming in threes. Given A's autism we knew that we were taking a gamble having B. This would change if I had any more kids and we would be going through that period of uncertainty again and it was hard enough this time around

People often ask if we're having anymore and I give a nervous laugh. There are few decisions in life that can make even the strongest woman flip-flop like a fish out of water. But ask one if she's totally done having children and, more often than not, you'll get a complicated answer filled with contradiction and confusion.

I suppose rather than running around in circles rationalising things by myself, I'll throw this out to those parents out there with three kids. Is it true? Is three the magic number? 


I should make it clear that I'm not asking for advice on what to do. We've made our decision to have NO MORE KIDS but hormones and general nosiness make me wonder what it would be like. I only know of one other couple who have two kids, the rest have three or more. There must be something in it, I guess. So did you plan three or was your original plan infinite? Was having had enough at three, the decider?




15 comments:

  1. There aren't really any guarantees. I am one of three and we were all born within three years. My sister (a year younger than me) and I were always close, but my brother (the youngest) was a bit of a loner until adulthood. We are now all very close.
    I have three but the youngest is 10 and 7 years younger than his sibs and I wouldn't recommend that. He is like an only child in that he plays by himself (the older two are busy with homework etc) and by the time he's 10 both of them will be out of the house. It wasn't a planned pregnancy and it makes me sad that he won't have the same childhood. The older two (almost 3 years apart) are very close.
    The middle child syndrome doesn't always exist. If you have a girl then a boy, both are like the oldest in that one is the oldest girl and the other is the oldest boy. It is determined much more by the sex of the next baby, the age gaps etc.
    I know this doesn't help, but it's really a decision for you to make, and a few months here or there isn't going to make much of a difference.

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  2. We were always going to have 3 kids but then I started getting broody again when number 3 was 18 months. Hubby wanted to keep it at 3 but then he is an only child and has never understood having siblings. There is a 7 year gap between my daughter and the middle child so they are not very close at all. In fact she was very jealous when he came along because she had had her mom all to herself for 7 long years. However when I had my youngest, my eldest loves him and shows him a lot more patience than she ever showed the middle child. So basically I think no matter how many siblings you have because they all have different personalities they will all make different relationships with each other.
    Good luck in your choice

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  3. we have two. We will ONLY have two. We currently have two under two. I thought I was pregnant last month and it scared me so much that hubby has not been allowed within a country mile of me since.

    We often have conversations about how two is all we want or need in a hope that when they're bigger and our friends start having kids and we (no, he) start getting broody again then we will not relent.

    To be fair, we have had a slightly unusual experience and having two under one, one of whom doesn't know you from adam and has all sorts of physiological problems caused by the stress of her first few months is not the kind of situation to make you think 'do you know what.. a third would be great...'

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  4. I've 3 - aged 2, 4, and 6. Hectic up until first started school but wouldn't have it any other way!

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  5. i have triplets. i was told that when you have kids in odd numbers, you will always have fights because one is always left out. i can see that.

    logically, if you want a peaceful family, have kids only in multiples of two.

    and NEVER EVER have more kids than car windows.

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  6. @Expat Mum: I have an eleven year gap between kids and you're right, it is like having two only children. I hadn't considered the gender aspect to MCS. Food for though! Thanks. x

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  7. Thanks Em, you're right it is a bit of a lottery when it comes to personalities. Tell me to shut up if I'm crossing the line but when you guys planned three what were your financial considerations, were you worried?
    xx

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  8. @Pooky: Your're a special case (I bet you've been told that before, lol.)! x

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  9. @Kate: I feel like I should give you some sort of medal! So you have one and then a little over a year later became preggers again and then again. Was it stressful? Have you grown a third hand? Thanks. xx

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  10. @Grit: Triplets must be such fun though (once you get them out of nappies and off to school...). xx

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  11. I have 3 kiddies. It wasn't planned to be that way, though each was a planned pregnancy. We are definitely stopping at 3 but I have been feeling broody and cooing over babies lately.
    Miss Muffett is coming up for 15 and was from my first marriage. Her birth was awful, she screamed for hours, and didn't sleep properly till she was 5 years old. No way was I having any more kids. But then I got divorced and met Mr Earplugs. He is 12 years younger than me and didn't have any kids. Miss Muffett wasn't jealous when we had Nipper but it was a shock to her system to have a screaming, puking baby in the house! Things have been tough with Nipper (recent diagnosis of ASD, sensory issues and language problems) and she has now declared that she isn't having any kids. It was like having 2 'only' children. I got to 43 and figured it was now or never to have another kiddie and decided it would probably be nice for Nipper to have a sibling, and I knew Mr Earplugs would like another, though he had never asked me to go through it all again! I do find them quite a handful - a teenager, a toddler and an autie! I always thought that by my age (coming up for 46) the kids would be almost out of the door. You never know what twists your life might take! It depends how much of 'your life' you want to get back as the kids get older. If I hadn't met 2nd hubby I'd definitely have stuck with one child and been very happy with it. I'll be a pensioner before I get to where I thought I would be now (if that makes sense) and I sometimes find that hard.

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  12. We have 3 boys and I'm one of 3 as is my husband. We always knew we'd have 3, but thought for a while that 4 would be a great idea. We've decided against that now, going to count our blessings with the three healthy boys we already have.

    I'm loving being a mum to number 3 which wasn't always true of numbers 1 and 2. I actually blogged about it quite recently: http://www.pantswithnames.com/2011/01/i-hope-you-dont-mind.html

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  13. It's difficult. I have three now, but for a long time I had two and that was plenty. Then I remarried and my dad died so I threw caution to the wind. But the resultant late miscarriage and then, a year later, baby knocked the wind out of me for a while.
    C is lovely and kind of draws everyone together but going back to the start was hard and I am constantly astonished by how a family of five doesn't fit into people's plans - seats in cars, beds in hotels, tickets for stuff etc etc.

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  14. Oh... I have 2... it's enough I think as you get more freedom... and I miss my freedom now, hehe.. The youngest is 3 years old, the cutest, but.. it's so busy with kids, and I wanna enjoy being just me too;) But I guess, everyone is different. I'm just not patient enough I guess;)

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  15. Oh... I have 2... it's enough I think as you get more freedom... and I miss my freedom now, hehe.. The youngest is 3 years old, the cutest, but.. it's so busy with kids, and I wanna enjoy being just me too;) But I guess, everyone is different. I'm just not patient enough I guess;)

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